Dear Brother in Christ,
After our meeting last night, I was reminded of our first meeting when you told me you didn’t think you could even be free of porn. You said that, except for six months of abstinence, you have always gone back.
I asked you what you thought of those six months. Did that six-month abstinence period teach you anything? You said it showed you could have self-control if you wanted to.
I affirmed the response as an accurate analysis.
During our meeting last night, having started you with a solid accountability partner, the accountabletoyou software, and meeting with me while studying Sexual Sanity for Men, how long has it been since you started a new period of abstinence? You said over 4 months.
From there, I reminded you how we first started and the Scriptures we consulted. Perhaps we spent more time on Romans 6:1-14 in that first session than on any other. We discussed Romans 6:12-14 at length to help you understand that you were a voluntary slave to your sin of lust.
Let not sin therefore reign in your mortal body, to make you obey its passions. 13 Do not present your members to sin as instruments for unrighteousness, but present yourselves to God as those who have been brought from death to life, and your members to God as instruments for righteousness. 14 For sin will have no dominion over you, since you are not under law but under grace. Ro 6:12–14, ESV
The passage has much to unpack, but v. 12 is particularly instructive.
“ Let not sin therefore” is an imperative, a command. The word therefore refers back to vs.10-11:
For the death he died to sin once for all, but the life he lives he lives to God. 11 So you also must consider yourselves dead to sin and alive to God in Christ Jesus. Ro 6:10–11, ESV
The “he” refers to Jesus, who died for sin, including yours and mine. Jesus lives to God because his resurrection proves sin and death will no longer have dominion (v. 9). In v. 10, after all, a believer is in Christ; they must also consider themselves dead to sin and alive in Christ.
By allowing pornography to reign (dominate, control) in your body, you obey the passions (desires) of your heart. The result is a voluntary slavery to your controlling idol.
At that time, you did not fully comprehend the important theology behind Romans 6:1-14.
Last night, as we looked at Week 3, Thornbushes in the Wasteland in Sexual Sanity for Men, I thought of how much came to mind: its emphasis on roots and fruits, idols of the heart, our official theology, and our functional theology.
I asked if you thought your heart had changed as well as your behavior. You said the 120+ days illustrated that behavior can change just as it did when you did 180 days of behavioral change. That shows self-control is possible when a person asserts their will to change their behavior.
Then you said you thought your heart was changing as well, although you still struggled with temptation.
I told you I was encouraged and hoped you were too. I emphasized that understanding Week 3 was critical because without it, everything that comes after will suffer.
Stay the course, brother,
Pastor R.
Scripture: Romans 6:1-14
Notes:
The event described above actually happened. The methodology was radical amputation, high personal accountability with a trusted friend and brother in the Lord, meeting with the pastor, and a thorough study of Sexual Sanity for Men.
As a pastor and someone who has counseled men in the slavery to porn, I’ve never found a better “extra” resource than Sexual Sanity for Men by David White.
Pastor Bruce Roeder
Biblical Counselor, Training Program Instructor
Bruce is an Elder/Pastor at the Vine Community Church in South Milwaukee, WI. He has an M.A. in Biblical Counseling and is ACBC-certified (Level 2). He has been married to Elizabeth for 52 years. They have one son, a wonderful daughter-in-law, and three grandkids who are a blessing.
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