Something many of you would not know about me is that I consume information. I love to learn, I love to read, and I love to take in data. I read, study, and consider things that I agree and disagree with alike. It has been a practice that has served me well for many years. I take all of this in, analyze it, consider implications, chew on the meat of a thing, and spit out the fat or the bones, in something of a synchronization process that I’ve developed for everything that I study.

One of the points of information I have spent ample time consuming the last few years is related to accountability for church leadership by Christian media outlets, cases of church hurt, and cases of church abuse. I don’t want to unnaturally enhance the click rate or site traffic of the outlets I frequent for this information, as they’re not actually the subject of this blog – but I share this practice of mine with you to make a point…

The fact that church-leadership malpractice, church hurt, and church abuse are subjects easily studied in church culture is a considerable concern. 

Truly, I cannot recall one week that has gone by in the last few months where some form of church-leadership scandal or malpractice is not unearthed, church hurt based on poor leadership decisions is exposed, and the congregational fallout is detailed, or church abuse, where someone in church leadership and is found to be using their office in an egregious and unfit manner. 

This relates to the practice of biblical counseling for a number of reasons. But most pointedly for this one: 

Those we counsel come to us expecting they will not be the victims of malpractice, hurt, or abuse. They come expecting that we, as biblical counselors, are going to be wise counsel based on the solid and unwavering foundation of the Bible, representatives of God’s wisdom and not self-interest, and the tool-providers for the sanctifying change, healing, or growth that someone has come to counseling looking for. 

The glut of considerable issues in church leadership over the last few years should give us cause and pause to objectively step back, examine ourselves, and ensure that we are not setting ourselves up for a similar fall. This is what I would like to consider for this submission. 

Evaluative Metrics for Biblical Counselors 

Regardless of whether you are a man or a woman, if you are a biblical counselor, I believe you would be wise to evaluate yourself against the qualifications of eldership as an evaluative metric. Consider 1 Timothy 3:1-7: 

This saying is trustworthy: “If anyone aspires to be an overseer, he desires a noble work.”  An overseer, therefore, must be above reproach, the husband of one wife [for our evaluative context, we’ll call this: “relationally faithful”], self-controlled, sensible, respectable, hospitable, able to teach [for our evaluative context, we’ll call this: “able to provide clear counsel”],  not an excessive drinker, not a bully but gentle, not quarrelsome, not greedy.  He must manage his own household competently and have his children under control with all dignity.  (If anyone does not know how to manage his own household, how will he take care of God’s church?)  He must not be a new convert, or he might become conceited and incur the same condemnation as the devil. Furthermore, he must have a good reputation among outsiders, so that he does not fall into disgrace and the devil’s trap.

I could have emphasized more, but I think there is enough for us to consider. The first point of consideration is this: for this blog, I am asking you to evaluate yourself; a process between you and the Lord. As such, if you’re reading this on the fly or in a hurry, I’m going to ask that you stop. Instead, I would strongly urge you to return to this submission at a time when you are willing and able to truly measure yourself against what the Bible says regarding the highest levels of leadership in God’s economy. Put in a few minutes of time to do this right.

Here are some areas worth prayerfully assessing in yourselves…

Above reproach. 

In your own mind, are there things that you know that if other people knew, it would result in their concern about you as their counselor? 

Is there a sin, vice, or creature-comfort that you allow or permit that you know you should not? 

Do you consume content of any kind that you know you shouldn’t? 

Relationally Faithful

How’s your marriage? Do you treat your spouse the way you instruct your counselee(s) too? 

How are your friendships? Do you treat your friends in an honorable way? Are you there for them, or are they only there for you? Are you just a professional helper friend, or are you genuine in the way you encourage others to be? Are you accountable the way you challenge them to be? 

Are you a glorified professional friend, who, in truth, lives on an island in your own mind? 

Do you honor and love your children the way you challenge other parents to? 

Self-Controlled

Are you emotionally reactive? 

Are you perpetually expectant? 

Do you expect those around you to listen to you the way your counselees do and react or respond poorly when they don’t? 

If someone saw how you conducted yourself in private, would they call you reactive or abusive? 

Is there any substance or any device that you use as a coping mechanism? 

Is there something you need at the end of a hard day? Or every day? 

Sensible

When you are outside of the counseling office, do you make good decisions? 

Are you financially wise? 

Do you practice what you counsel and teach? 

Are you disciplined and prudent with how you use your time? 

Are you a bully? 

Do you expect patent reverence (not to be confused with respect) from everyone around you? 

Are you expectant that people hang on your every word and angry when they don’t? 

Do you belittle or challenge the wisdom of others if they question you, your decision-making, or counsel in any way? 

I could go on. And in fact, as I put this submission together – I did. But the sheer length of the submission became more than I thought people would read, so it was summarized to the above. But I encourage you to go on, in the quietness of your own mind and study, and complete the entire evaluation this passage of Scripture presents. 

It’s a sobering exercise to evaluate ourselves against 1 Timothy 3 and elsewhere. But I believe, as a preventative measure, is very helpful. 

So here is my ask of you, biblical counselor, as I have and will continue to do myself. 

1. Regularly revisit 1 Timothy 3 or similar passages of Scripture. Measure yourself against the spirit of the expectations listed here and elsewhere. Genuinely ask: “Am I meeting the standard God lays out for a leader or wise counselor of His people?
   
2. In doing this, evaluate needed areas of repentance before they become bad habits. Be watchful and vigilant over your mind. As a biblical counselor, you are a leader in the (big C) church. As such, God will hold you to a higher standard…pastor, elder, or otherwise.
   
   To that end, regularly…

• Repent of any sense of entitlement 
• Repent of any sense of moral superiority 
• Repent of lingering thoughts of any type 
• Repent of pride of any kind 
• Repent of any abuse or bullying 
• Repent of any lack of sensibility 
• Repent of the thing not listed here but you know is real in your mind or life. 

The more regularly you do this, the more in tune with the Holy Spirit you will be. And the more it will matter as a preventative and protective tool. 

3. We say in training at Reigning Grace Institute: “The best counselor is a good counselee.” Maybe you don’t need counseling, but we all benefit from camaraderie and accountability. 

I have individuals in my life I can and do go to for verification (not validation). I ask them if I am seeing myself correctly, and if not, to speak into matters I may need to rethink. They are not there to tell me what I want to hear any more than our counselees come to counseling to hear us tell them what they want to hear. We all benefit from folks like this in our lives as a checkpoint. And I strongly encourage you to seek one out.

The accessibility of other biblical counselors via video call in other areas of the country or world makes the ability to do this easier and more accessible (and excuse-free) than ever before! 

It is my hope that each of us read this, consider it, and implement it in our lives regularly…so that we are consistently upright before God, and so that the next Christian media outlet post isn’t exposing one of us for sin that could and should have been addressed in spiritual disciplines like this. 

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